The Golden Globes Came Early This Year

"And the winner is"
"Oh My God, Jamie Lee Curtis, NO, Susan Sarandon, NO an unbelievable upset, the winner is SL, JT's unbelievable girlfriend"

(flash too screen, JT's parents going away party last night)
SL walks in the door, greeted by JT
"Don't even talk to me" SL says, then a montages begins, starting with JT going out with his buddies on Tuesday, SL home alone crying wondering when her boyfriend is going to come home, then the screen cuts to SL and JT have comfortable conversation with his parent talking about puppies and there upcoming trip to Florida, there laughting looking like there relationship is on the up and up, finally ending with them spending the entire ride home along with the remainder of the night in silence.

I'm pretty sure that I would rather have my hand cut off for stealing in a Turkish prison than spend another uncomfortable night at home.

What I've realized in many years of relationships is that the uncomfortable, waiting for the big fight , night at home is absolutely unavoidable. You can't leave yet because the big, Ike and Tina Turner fight hasn't happened yet, so what do you do, you sit there and wait for the silence to break. Its like sitting there waiting at the doctor's office for a testicle to be removed because whether it goes good or bad you are going to walk out less of a man.

Why America Makes me Happy

I found this article today:



Pole dancing classes - for kids
A fitness instructor is to launch pole dancing classes - for children as young as 11.
Laraine Riddell wants to teach boys and girls to spin up and down on the poles, reports Metro.
Children's charity Kidscape have condemned the move, in Choppington, Northumberland.
The 38-year-old, who also teaches adults to pole dance, believes there is nothing sexual about children learning the moves.
These involve lifting and resistance work which builds youngsters' muscles, she explained.
"It has nothing to do with what you see in strip clubs," said Ms Riddell. "It is a way of getting fit and having fun."
Kidscape director Michele Elliott said: "Pole dancing is an activity where women on stage are given money which is stuck in their underwear. To teach 12-year-old girls pole dancing is out of order.
"I am sure pole dancing is good exercise - but so is stripping. Strippers have great bodies. By all means give the kids exercise, but just skip the poles."

I was thinking that about career night in high school, what if Sundowners Cabernet, or the Bunny Ranch were aloud to attend? That's the problem in America we, as a country aren't providing enough job training to younger women to make it in the Adult arts. I'm glad a community is ready to step up and give there young ladies the skills to make it in the 21st century.

JT OUT

me

Me So I figure that I have been doing this for a while, and I'm a little bored between class, so I decided to finally give all of you lucky ladies a picture of me without my shirt on. Before you look you should make your boyfriends leave the room because you are going to be so overcome with passion that your going to try to google me or call me, any way you can find to get some of this sweet sweet lovin. So turn your head and say "Honey can you get me a glass of wine, and make it take a while" because here I come! If this doesn't bring 1000's of hits a day I don't know what will.

-Disclaimer- all people represented on this site are fictional and should no way remind you of you birthday at Soho

I went back to College for a weekend

Yes I know that I'm already back in college, but this weekend I went back, way back to school, I mean Rodney Dangerfield and the triple lindy back to school, yup friend of a friends house party. Keg of beer, jello shots, twenty something girls that dress way to nice to look at me, smoking inside (awesome), it's at that point I realized I really haven't been to a fun party in 6 years. I don't mean I haven't had fun at a party in 6 years, I mean I haven't been to a knock out, drag out, kegger in six years. Why is it when you turn 25 you are no longer allowed to buy 6 kegs of beer, charge people at the door, scream "house beer" at the top of your lungs while throwing some 19 year old kid to the ground?

This is the best Halloween costume I've ever seen.

I decided that there are only two things in life that make me happy:

1: having no responsibility

2: having a lot of money

and sadly I have neither.

I wanted to thank the two people who left comments on the last post, I've been doing this on two different sites for about a year and no one has left me any comments until two people decided I was going to kill myself. Thanks guy but I'm pretty sure my ego is way too big for suicide. But I do appreciate the readers.

A quick side bar on smoking inside, I live in New York, its cold, really cold, I still want to be smoking inside. I know my cloths stink, I know it stains the walls, I know I'm slowly giving the dog lung cancer, and I fucking love every minute of it. My cloths are going to stink anyway, I don't care about the walls, (I rent) and let face dogs are close to the floor and smoke rises, I really think the only person I'm hurting here is myself, which I'm fine with.

How Much I hate My life

JT+sadness=failure

Thats all I got

Link Trade

If anyone want to trade links with me, email at jth21usa@aol.com.

Its beginning to look a lot like X-mas

So I'm sitting here at my local community college waiting for SL to pick me up, you guessed it we are down to one car (I use the term we loosely because its her car, I just drive it and ride in it every day) and I realized its almost X-mas. I though it may have been getting colder, I considered that the malls were getting more packed, I even realized that the "Wizard of OZ" is on every moment of the day if you have the time to do the searching, so yup its beginning to look a lot like X-mas. Its not that I don't like X-mas, I enjoy the giving, the receiving, the loving, wait I hate X-mas, I was thinking about the last porno I saw, It was fantastic, Black girl, White guy, a midget, 2 dogs, all topped of with sprinkles (right now I'm trying to make light on how much I hate X-mas).

1. Don't get me anything
And yes I mean it, I have everything that I want that anyone I know could afford to give me.
"JT what do you want for X-mas"
"I'm all set"
"Really you must want something"
"Yes mom actually what I want is a Porsche and a lap dance from Lonnie Anderson but since the stock market tanked a couple of years ago I don't see that happening, unless you want to take some time out of your 4 month yearly vacation. Keep playing the broke card Mom its working really well on a man who hasn't worked in 6 months"

2. Don't say you don't need anything because this I'm taking that right to the bank, If you want something then speak up or old JT Kringle will take that money and spend it on a fantastic night drinking, guilt free.

3. X-mas, I hate the term X-mas, I know that I've used it a lot in this post but I love self torture ( I was a cutter) and porn.

4. F-Turkey, every Holiday in my family serves Turkey, Thanksgiving, Turkey, Christmas, Turkey, Easter, Turkey, 4th of July, Turkey how about some roast beef, maybe I'll jut become a Jew that way I don't have to worry about X-mas and I can eat baklava, drink manashevits, and learn how to manage money.

If you don't hear from me soon I've moved to the North Pole to Kick Kris Kringle in the nuts, make out with Mrs. Clause and have a great big reindeer bbq (f-TURKEY).

JT OUT

Verizon+Super Cuts=Enron

So I got a new phone through work Verizon Wireless. I’m pretty sure they are owned and operated by Enron. 6 days its taken me to try to get my number over from my last carrier. These aren’t short phone calls either, right now its 12:15; I’ve been on hold since 11:17. Things I hate about Verizon Wireless:

“Sorry for the long hold, at this time I’m waiting for the other representative, do you mind being on hold for another one to two minutes” They don’t even let you stay on hold so you can at least you can do other things, you have to talk to Tasha every 2 minutes.
“It can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 24 hours” with today’s computers I would think a company on the cutting edge of technology would be able to press a button and call it a day. But no they probably use the Pony Express to complete their transactions. Huck Fin and Cool Hand Luke are probably riding their stallions through Wyoming right now with a little piece of paper with my Phone number on it in the satchels right now.
“I’m going to need to call you back” my phone doesn’t exept phone calls~ incert make up funny phone conversation, something like “I’m sorry I’m going to have to call you back”
Me
“I’m sorry but I’ll be unreachable because the phone that we bought off of you isn’t working properly because your company must be run be a bunch of baby gorilla’s. So I’ll call you back later when we will go through this all over again. Also I hope your first born falls into a well”

I don’t know why I always get the ADD hairstylist (lady right in front of the cashier).
Snip, “ohh need to pay sweetheart ok I’ll be right there”
Snip “Pumpkin no, no the product is on the left hand shelf, ok I’ll be right over”
Snip “Ring” “ring” “Ri.. Hello thank you for calling Super Cuts, no sweetheart I’m not busy, Yes there’s someone in my chair but I’m going to ignore him for a while, basically telling him that anything that walks, talks, or rings in front of this register is more important than his ever dwindling unemployment money, so what I’m going to do right no is tell him nonverbally to fuck off, and that we here at super cuts can take or leave his business because we also are run by Enron like Verizon Mobile”
Its funny because the two stores are right next to each other, well funny for me anyways, maybe not for you, if it wasn’t funny you can call me, good F-ing Luck.

"Wizard of OZ"

So here’s a list of thing you should never do when you are about to have an intimate moment with your significant other:
1.use baby talk
2.kiss her armpits
3.and finally start shouting out the answers to the red light questions on “Cash Cab”
At what point did the “Wizard of Oz” become a Christmas movie? Is there Santa in there somewhere? I don’t get it.

Keeping in touch

God I know it’s been a long time, I have so much to say, so much to do, I don’t know where to begin. First I would like to apologize to IL and SN, I have been a bad friend of late, and as I’ve neglected this blog I’ve also neglected them. I do have some pretty good reasons though, I’m moving in two weeks, not far but apartantly it takes a lot of time packing a apartment, when you are not just throwing everything in plastic bags and calling it a day. Second is school is a lot more work then I remember. Then next and final reason is that I really haven’t been going out at night as much as I used to, and if I do its because I’ve been drinking all day and am home by 9:30.

Things in my life that Rock now:
Young chicks (I go to a community college and am the only person there over twenty)
Not feeling like shit every Sunday
Fishing, I love those little fuckers
Online poker, I needed another vice
Having a laptop, the thirty minute drive to my parent every time I wanted to gamble was killing me


So last weekend I had a volleyball tournament and what do I do at volleyball tournaments, I get drunk, and what do I wake up with on Sunday morning, a hangover, and what do I have to do on Sunday, yup a four year olds b-days party at my girlfriends parent house. So I’m thinking fine I’ll go over there eat my face off, drink an entire 2-liter of sierra mist, all of the apple cider and watch some football. So everything goes as planed for the first hour then little Johney wants to open some presents, fine. Mind you that there are about thirty people at this thing so presents are going to take a while. But wait, what is SL’s dad doing? Why is he walking toward the television? Wait, Wait DAMN IT STOP, DON’T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME, DAMN YOU FAT MAN. Yup no TV while junior is opening up his 140 presents, fan fucking tastic. Yup he’s bringing out video camera; now my happiness can be recorded on film for the world to see. Fine so I sit there for a hour and watch him unwrap legos fine and making stupid jokes on how this video is going to create a JT media frezy and I'm going on Oprha. So we’re done, wait what’s he doing, why is he rewinding the video camera? The end of this story was for the next hour on the TV wasn’t football, it was junior unwrapping his presents all over. They could use that Video to extract information from Iraq prisoners.

The 48 Year Old Freshman...

Sorry I know you feel alone without me here every week, it's just that lately I haven't really been feeling as witty as I used to. I am going back to school September 5th which will prolong me geting a job any time soon, which is really pretty sweet. I can't wait to talk to some college freshman girl, but not as a boyfriend or brother, I believe I am more of a father figure to them now. I could use cool lines like:
Me: "Wanna go see Pearl jam?"
Her: "Who?"
or
Me: "I can't wait for Hypercolor to make a come back."
Her: "What?"
Me: "You know, Hypercolor. Those are the shirts we used to wear with our Skids."
Her: "Why are you talking to me?
Me: "Because you remind me of me when I was a kid."
Her: "You smell like booze."

Well that's all for now. You've got to keep them wanting more, IJ and I are going out drinking tonight (SL's on business in Atlanta making herself a better person, plus putting bacon on the table) and when the girls are away, the mice will get shitty drunk, spend too much money, look but not touch, and be overall pretty embarrassed tomorrow. Sweet, sweet action.

JT OUT

Waking up to Danza

Hello everyone,
So I'm one step closer to becoming homeless, yes that's right I slept in my first hallway this weekend, and boy was it a boost to my self esteem. Me, curled up, snoring using a backpack as a pillow, the landlord stepping over me at 6am to wake me up and let me into my apartment. Apparently landlords in Rochester are not on call at 2am Saturday night after you've been drinking for 14 hours and left your keys at a bar.

I was thinking I might jump on this "Myspace" bandwagon that way I can figure out how many friends I have. I could wake up every morning and look into my computer's eyes and finally realized that not only am I liked by my parents but also 64 other random people I've never met or cared about.

I finally realized I really need a job, not for lack of money (owww sweet, sweet unemployment insurance) but so that I make sure I get up before 9am so I can watch the Tony Danza show. If that doesn't scream House Mom, I don't know what does.
Me: "Little Johnny, you have to go to school today the bus is almost here and Danza just started."
Johnny: "But I don't feel so well."
Me: "Don't let me get your working mother that supports this family because I'm a lazy asshole after you, you remember what happened last time."
Johnny: "She threatened to divorce you so you would have to move in with your parents."
Me: "Sit down son, take a load off. Let's watch some Danza."

Racist Gary and IJ

When I thought about writing this post, a couple of ideas came to mind, one how when I came home at 7 Saturday night SL had already drank 12 beers, awesome, and then continued to drink, even more F-ing awesome. Number two, maybe a funny college tale about the biggest and longest lie in history, then the three reasons that I love IJ. Well folks you are going to get two out of three today, so here comes the story of the biggest lie in the world.

It all starts one faithful night at the Theta Chi fraterninty house. I'm sitting there with a nice young lady named Shelly. Now Shelly is pretty hot, plus cool, also we've made out before and I'm thinking that maybe we might be able to awkwardly fondle each other the way only drunk college kids do. Another part of this story is a friend of mine, Gary who fell off the deep end that summer and decided to become a skin head. So needless to say it was getting late and the Pabst Ice was flowing, I'm getting drunk and Gary's getting racist. Yelling about jews, blacks, and asians like they owe him money. Shelly's getting upset because she's Jewish, so finally I, her knight in shining armor say, "You know what I'm Jewish." Which of course let me be the pinpoint of his anger not Shelly. I'm thinking I'm the big hero, this will all blow over and I finally get to touch her love taco. Well needless to say, she didn't sleep with me. In fact, I don't think I ever saw her again, and I was known as the Jewish kid for the next five years. Gary and I started getting along as he became less racist and an Elvis impersinator, until one fine night, in the bathroom of a bar. We were both at a urinal, I turn, look him square in the side of the head and say "You know what Gary I'm not jewish at all, I was raised Catholic and have never even been inside of a Temple." Then with a look of surprise he turned and asked me to join him in the parking lot, because though he hides it well, once a racist alway a racist.

Reasons I love IJ
1. He knows everything about movies and music, by far the best "Do you know who sang this?" guy I've ever met.
2. He hates most people
3. He would find the idea of tackling my old boss for no reason funny
4. He can drink 9 Bud Lights in a hour
5. He loves sleep more than I do
6. When I told him I was fired he said "That's fucking awesome!"

Reasons I hate IJ
1. He has a little yellow sports car (gay)


JT OUT

Another asshole post

I’m Sorry, Jesus Christ I’m sorry I’ve been busy, very busy with my new vice. Yup you guessed it not that drinking and smoking and a history of drug abuse wasn’t enough, I’ve taken up online gambling. Sweet sweet texas holdem 1000 hands a day, 7 days a week 365 days a year (or the last 14) and what do I have for my 50 hours of online play, $10.70, yup up $10.70. If I keep this up I might make $26 this year. Besides that nothing is really going on, I got drunk last night, I got drunk on Tuesday too.
In other news I’ve been trying to get up before noon everyday and its just not working. You know what I’m going to stop this right now, this post suck,s I’ll post again when I have something funny to say. Its not going to be today though maybe Monday. I can't help it I'm grumpy.

Volleyball & Jesus

So I'm sitting at the library right now, because I can't have roadrunner at home. This is because with being out of work and that much porn at my finger tips I would:
1. Never find a job
2. Probably be able to get into the world's strongest man contest on forearms alone
So I think I'll break this post up into two parts a. how I got hafnered this weekend and b. the amazing thing I just heard in the library

A. So I was playing volleyball this weekend. I was playing well got a nice long break before the finals (nice long break = 5 bud lights & red bull and vodka). Prize for First Place $300 (I'm not working right now and money's a little tough, so this would have been sweet) and Second Place got a backpack. Guess which one I got? Yes, a sweet, sweet backpack. Not only is the backpack the sweetest thing on the face of the earth, I can put all my school books in it when I go to class, wait a second I'm not in college, I'm not 20 years old, what the fuck am I going to do with a backpack? Plus it's the same backpack I won playing volleyball last summer, fantastic!

B. I'm at the computer, minding my own business when a child walks by me followed by his mom and these words verbatim come out of her mouth:
"Honey, you know Jesus doesn't like you to walk ahead."
If your not smart enough to make your own set of jokes here please stop reading my blog.

My Posthumously Philanthropic Uncle...

Sorry, I have to apologize for leaving all 85 of you out in the wind for the last week, SL's been sick and my uncle just passed away. He is probably the only person who doesn't live in a third world country that actually died from pneumonia. He doesn't have AIDS or anything he actually died from pneumonia, he was just too lazy to go see a doctor. So I've been having fun the last couple of days being a profiteer from all his old crap.
Mom: "Do you want the first five seasons of Sopranos?"
Me: "Yes."
Mom: "Do you guys need a new computer?"
Me: "Yes." A blatant lie
Mom: "Do you need a DVD player?"
Me: "Yes." Another lie, I have two I'm just too lazy to go to my old house and pick them up
Mom: "Do you need Sex in the City DVD's?"
Me: "Yes." I didn't even know my Uncle was gay

So thats what I've been doing for the last couple of days, getting stuff I don't really need, and solidifying my first class ticket to hell. Thanks, if I have time tomorrow I'll tell you about me getting classically Hafnered this weekend.

Ahhh...vacation

My name is JT, I'm on vacation, I'm hungover, I'm sunburned, I'm unhappy, SL and I are fighting again. I thought this would be ok, her and I in a house on vacation, we should really get along. For christ's sake we live together. What is it with putting us in a different state that means we can't get along? The funny thing is I'm not even there yet and I know this will happen. I'm writing this on friday at the library before we go. IJ will post it for me next week. So here is my Miss Cleo like prediction, I'm going to spend the entire next week fighting with my girlfriend. It's going to start small, maybe something like I only drove 3 hours on the way down when she drove 3.5, then it's going to escalate to why don't you get a job, then finally after 14 Bud Lights it's going to be a a big fat, "Why don't you love me anymore?" Solid, my vacation is going to be so much f-ing fun.

why I'm not a adult

I think I'm going to do a David Letterman Top Ten list today, remember I'm on the government penny vacation next week, so this will probably be the last post for a couple of days. I'll try to make it a good one.
Top Ten Things Adults Do That I Don't:
10- Be married
9- Stay sober all week long
8- Would actually consider doing something on a Saturday night besides go to a bar
7- Pay their own bills
6- Go to the bathroom to Fart
5- Not consider X-Men 3 a life changing experience
4- Not get visibly excited every time I drive by a Taco Bell
3- Be tired
2- Know enough about grammar so they wouldn't have to email every post to IJ because they would be smart enough not to be worldwide embarrassed about putting an "I" before "E"
1- Have a job

I just found something cool, if you type"whythirtyscaresme" in yahoo or google search engine,shit comes up, everyone give it a try.

Anyone New?

Hi. If any one new is reading this I have been doing this for more than two days, you can check out all my other crap at www.whythirtyscaresme.eponym.com, really I'm quite funny, and handsome. I'm in the library right now and I think Sam Elliot is sitting across from me. I think I should go over there and punch him square in the jaw and really see if he's as manly as he was in We Were Soldiers. I bet I could take him he's old and I'm a young buck of thirty.

Hello everybody, I really didn't do too much this weekend besides play volleyball and spend about a million dollars that I can't afford right now. Next week I'll be at Martha's Vineyard all week. How does one afford to go on vacation without having a job, you might ask? The wonderful world of unemployment! I wish I could find some way to do this for the rest of my life, but I can't. The day that I get home I have to start with monster.com, then maybe take a glance at the paper. Then when all else fails, the temp agencies, I can't wait. Then I'll have to go on interviews, lie about myself and how motivated I am, how I'm never late. I think it will go something like this: Interviewer: Why do think you're qualified to be the vice president for the Ford motor company?
Me: "I don't have AIDS."
Interviewer: "I don't really know what that has to do with it.
Me: "Well you want someone that can stick around for a while don't you?"
Interviewer: "You smell like liquor and did't even shave to come in here, plus you're wearing a wife beater and tennis shoes."
Me: "When do I start? My f-ing office better have a window, by the way your fired!" Interviewer: "Get out of my office."
Me: "It's my office now bitch!"

I think I may be losing it.

A cautionary tale on bad luck...

A cautionary tale on bad luck...
by Why thirty scares me on Fri 02 Jun 2006 04:35 PM EDT
Let me tell you about the wonderful world of being "hafnered." Now if you look up the word hafnered in the dictionary, it would say:
hafner(ed) (past tense) see also hafner - n. - one who has found a way to destroy every easy situation; one who makes everything good turn bad: Things were great until that hafner showed up.
v. - to have uncommonly bad luck: Wow, you just got hafnered!
adj. - description of poor or lacking quality: That car is really hafnered.

The origins of "hafnered" started with a string of events that happened to this young man in college,
1) Getting arrested while watching his friend steal a sign
2) Getting arrested in front of his girlfriend and the rest of the people at the DMV for not paying a fine, spending the night in jail (inner city), all the while having the receipt for said fine in his wallet. Cop to Hafner: "Sorry there's nothing I can do, I'm not a judge."
3) Getting beaten up in the front seat of a car for trying to save a girl
4) Having the university he's attending change its policy of grade transfers 2 years after he's been going there, lowering his GPA from 2.8 to 2.2 making graduation borderline impossible, making 6 years of school and $23,000 of debt a complete waste of time.

So let me tell you how I got hafnered yesterday. First, since it's the "Summer of JT" money is a little tight right now, but like a gift from the heavens my old boss called me up and said that he had a check from Audi for $900. It couldn't come at a better time. I'm going on a vacation next week plus my $300 car payment is due. Fantastic luck (admittedly an un-hafner like moment). Since my Dad still works there he picked up the check for me. So, I go over to their house yesterday to divide it as follows:
$300 to my parents for the small loan I have from them (when I say small, that might be a lie, unless small is a down payment on a house)
$200 to SL to help her cover bills
$300 to car insurance
$100 to me

So I have my Mom pay my car insurance online and grab a personal check for $200 for SL and $100 for me then turn the entire $900 check over to my parents. Everyone is happy, right? Wrong. Of course I got fucking hafnered! I get a phone call last night about 7 hours after I did all this and find out that the check has been cancelled and Audi has made a mistake. So instead of paying everyone back and making everyone happy I now have to get the $200 check from my girlfriend, pay back the $100 check, plus pay my car insurance which I payed early to get out of the way. The problem that I have is that the car insurance is spent money, I don't really have the $300 to cover that right now. So basically I went from getting $900 to owing my folks another $300, that's a $1200 swing.

So if SL comes home tonight to find me st

Changing blog sites

I just changed here from www.whythirtyscaresme.eponym.com