Volleyball & Jesus

So I'm sitting at the library right now, because I can't have roadrunner at home. This is because with being out of work and that much porn at my finger tips I would:
1. Never find a job
2. Probably be able to get into the world's strongest man contest on forearms alone
So I think I'll break this post up into two parts a. how I got hafnered this weekend and b. the amazing thing I just heard in the library

A. So I was playing volleyball this weekend. I was playing well got a nice long break before the finals (nice long break = 5 bud lights & red bull and vodka). Prize for First Place $300 (I'm not working right now and money's a little tough, so this would have been sweet) and Second Place got a backpack. Guess which one I got? Yes, a sweet, sweet backpack. Not only is the backpack the sweetest thing on the face of the earth, I can put all my school books in it when I go to class, wait a second I'm not in college, I'm not 20 years old, what the fuck am I going to do with a backpack? Plus it's the same backpack I won playing volleyball last summer, fantastic!

B. I'm at the computer, minding my own business when a child walks by me followed by his mom and these words verbatim come out of her mouth:
"Honey, you know Jesus doesn't like you to walk ahead."
If your not smart enough to make your own set of jokes here please stop reading my blog.

My Posthumously Philanthropic Uncle...

Sorry, I have to apologize for leaving all 85 of you out in the wind for the last week, SL's been sick and my uncle just passed away. He is probably the only person who doesn't live in a third world country that actually died from pneumonia. He doesn't have AIDS or anything he actually died from pneumonia, he was just too lazy to go see a doctor. So I've been having fun the last couple of days being a profiteer from all his old crap.
Mom: "Do you want the first five seasons of Sopranos?"
Me: "Yes."
Mom: "Do you guys need a new computer?"
Me: "Yes." A blatant lie
Mom: "Do you need a DVD player?"
Me: "Yes." Another lie, I have two I'm just too lazy to go to my old house and pick them up
Mom: "Do you need Sex in the City DVD's?"
Me: "Yes." I didn't even know my Uncle was gay

So thats what I've been doing for the last couple of days, getting stuff I don't really need, and solidifying my first class ticket to hell. Thanks, if I have time tomorrow I'll tell you about me getting classically Hafnered this weekend.