Herpes

Sorry, so sorry I haven’t been around in a while, work and all. But I’m going to type something fantastic in a minute. It’s going to change your life.

Ready

Set

Go,

Sorry I’ve got nothing. Though I did watch a Herpes commercial yesterday and at risk of stealing many comedian’s jokes, I want herpes. I want to walk in the sand, hold hands, and skip some rocks with my lover. I’m talking about the Herpes commercial where it starts out like this:

Guy “I have genital Herpes”
Girl “and I don’t”
Guy “ and we want to keep it that way that’s why I’m taking (insert medicine name here)”

Now I’m thinking what does that guy have that the rest of us don’t? Herpes is the wrong answer. He’s on his first date with Lynn (that what we’ll call her) and the conversation of sexually transmitted diseases comes up, and she stays. Now does Brodhi (that’s what we’ll call him) drive a Ferrari, is he the prince of Whales, or is he a 80’s rocker with a 10 inch cock. If he’s not one of those things she is out the door. Or say he waits a couple of dates and they are back at his house getting frisky on the couch, her hand slowing grasping the crouch and these words leave Brodhi’s mouth:

“Wait Lynn I have something to tell you”

If this was any girl I’ve ever dated we would have to be making out on a desert island surrounded by a ring of fire, with the entire army of Alkida on the other side of the fire to get her to stay, not Brodhi, four months later they’re doing commercials together. So not only is she dating a guy with herpes she’s willing to tell all of her friends and family about her whore banging boyfriend on national television. I want that kind of relationship pull. If I told SL that I had Herpes (I Don't, though I did have that one encounter with the little Hispanic boy in Mexico, Pedro if you read this call me, I miss you, we can get married in New Hampshire, green card baby) not only would I not be doing commercials I would be homeless.
JT OUT