Racist Gary and IJ

When I thought about writing this post, a couple of ideas came to mind, one how when I came home at 7 Saturday night SL had already drank 12 beers, awesome, and then continued to drink, even more F-ing awesome. Number two, maybe a funny college tale about the biggest and longest lie in history, then the three reasons that I love IJ. Well folks you are going to get two out of three today, so here comes the story of the biggest lie in the world.

It all starts one faithful night at the Theta Chi fraterninty house. I'm sitting there with a nice young lady named Shelly. Now Shelly is pretty hot, plus cool, also we've made out before and I'm thinking that maybe we might be able to awkwardly fondle each other the way only drunk college kids do. Another part of this story is a friend of mine, Gary who fell off the deep end that summer and decided to become a skin head. So needless to say it was getting late and the Pabst Ice was flowing, I'm getting drunk and Gary's getting racist. Yelling about jews, blacks, and asians like they owe him money. Shelly's getting upset because she's Jewish, so finally I, her knight in shining armor say, "You know what I'm Jewish." Which of course let me be the pinpoint of his anger not Shelly. I'm thinking I'm the big hero, this will all blow over and I finally get to touch her love taco. Well needless to say, she didn't sleep with me. In fact, I don't think I ever saw her again, and I was known as the Jewish kid for the next five years. Gary and I started getting along as he became less racist and an Elvis impersinator, until one fine night, in the bathroom of a bar. We were both at a urinal, I turn, look him square in the side of the head and say "You know what Gary I'm not jewish at all, I was raised Catholic and have never even been inside of a Temple." Then with a look of surprise he turned and asked me to join him in the parking lot, because though he hides it well, once a racist alway a racist.

Reasons I love IJ
1. He knows everything about movies and music, by far the best "Do you know who sang this?" guy I've ever met.
2. He hates most people
3. He would find the idea of tackling my old boss for no reason funny
4. He can drink 9 Bud Lights in a hour
5. He loves sleep more than I do
6. When I told him I was fired he said "That's fucking awesome!"

Reasons I hate IJ
1. He has a little yellow sports car (gay)


JT OUT