TEN UGLY MEN FESTIVAL, the best place on earth,


Yup just two weeks away the Ten Ugly Men festival starts. Or as I like to call it JT drinks until he looks in the mirror decides decisively that he is the sexiest man on the face of the earth, then decides that first thing Sunday morning he's buying a ticket to Paris to become a male model. That's usually right before a small Asian cabby takes advantage of my drunken low self esteem and talks me into giving him a hand job in the back seat, while my friends watch, and laugh. So if any of my friend want to come into town, let me know.

Past Ten Ugly men stories
1. Drunken SL being thrown into my apartment be a little Asian man who said I didn't owe him any money.
2. My friend Singer throwing up and falling asleep in the bathroom, this in its self ins' that funny, except that the bathroom is public.
3. My friend getting punched in the face by her friends twin sister.
4. My buddy getting punched in the face by my other buddies fiance.
5. Me getting so sunburned my ear almost exploded, I have pictures.

All these stories have fantastic back stories, if you want to hear more just leave me a comment and my next post will be about that.

JT OUT

Its been a while

So its been a while, and I don't think anyone really cares. I didn't receive any "where have you been?" comments or "are you still alive or did that pack of homeless people finally catch up to you" emails. Come of all six people that were on this site Tuesday how about some fuckin compassion. I compiled a deep list of good things that I bring to the table, good things, thing that you want around, things that you should care about.

1. I'm genuinely funny, not a lot of people can say that truthfully, but I am. And not creepy funny either (unless I'm hammered) Ha Ha funny.

2. A black man member, come on bitches you know what I'm talking about.

3. No car so I'm helping the environment, actually SL has sport utility vehicle some I'm just trying to average out the pollution level of our apartment.

4. a big penis, see #2

That's it, I can't think of anything else, I have 4 redeeming qualities, fantastic. Now I know all six of you where expecting more out of this post but lets face it, what can you expect from a man who can only think up 4 good things to say about himself, not much.

JT OUT

I thought you needed more

I know, I know my Monday post was weak, so I thought I would give you something really heart wrenching today. Something that will really take your breath away, ready, set...Bang!!

I think I'm going to be an Olympic bowler I figured its a muscle memory sport, with a little practice I could be on the tour, sponsored by Denny's (I want moons over my Hammy tattooed like a tough guy across my back), then 2012 here I come.

Here are some reasons I would make a great bowler:

1. I need the money, just looked up there stats and it seems like these guy make about $100,000 a year, and I can handle that type of scratch.

2. I'm reasonably unattractive, like all of the other pro-bowlers I've ever seen

3. My wrist action is sweet, come on fella's you know what I mean.

4. they only have a average of 210-220, my best game of bowling is a 192 (in 7th grade) and I hardly ever practiced, a 212 should be no problem in a couple of months.

5. I love bowling groupies, I don't know what that means but when I stop at the PBA tour in St Paul Minnesota I'm getting some groupie tail.

JT OUT

My Life Has Changed Forever

There have been a couple of life changing events that have happened in my life, being born, having sex for the first time (both forced and unforced), getting drunk for the first time and now this video on YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFlQNtL8F9s

watch it, learn from it, be it...
JT OUT

Sorry

Sorry very sorry, I know I'm a bad person, I know that the 6 people who read this are just dieing for a post one of these days. Well here it comes baby.

I wish I could tell you I got drunk last night, I wish I could tell you that I got so drunk last night and spat on a homeless guy, then kicked his homeless dog while stealing all the money out of his homeless change can, but I can't. I didn't get drunk last night, I didn't even watch American idol.

But I did read "Running with scissors", great book, except for that graphic gay sex scenes, not the good girl on girl sex scenes but the bad old man on young boy sex scenes. Not that I have anything against the "gays", hell I don't even care if they get married I just would appreciate there anal staying out of my pleasure reading. That why I've come up with a top ten list of things that I would like to read about, so if anyone has a book covering these subjects let me know.

10. Gambling
9. Drugs and booze
8. My ex boss George being thrown into a wood chipper
7. sweet, sweet girl on girl action
6. Vegas
5. Get rich quick books, that actually work that require little or no effort. I've always wanted to be a part of a good pyramid scheme.
4. I fountain of youth
3. How to get my girlfriend off of a diet that I can't eat pasta on
2. Self help "how I can become a better lover" or "Sex for dummies"
1. Myself, I want to know if anyone out there has written a book just on me.

That's it you've been waiting for a month for that, pretty disappointing.

JT out

Herpes

Sorry, so sorry I haven’t been around in a while, work and all. But I’m going to type something fantastic in a minute. It’s going to change your life.

Ready

Set

Go,

Sorry I’ve got nothing. Though I did watch a Herpes commercial yesterday and at risk of stealing many comedian’s jokes, I want herpes. I want to walk in the sand, hold hands, and skip some rocks with my lover. I’m talking about the Herpes commercial where it starts out like this:

Guy “I have genital Herpes”
Girl “and I don’t”
Guy “ and we want to keep it that way that’s why I’m taking (insert medicine name here)”

Now I’m thinking what does that guy have that the rest of us don’t? Herpes is the wrong answer. He’s on his first date with Lynn (that what we’ll call her) and the conversation of sexually transmitted diseases comes up, and she stays. Now does Brodhi (that’s what we’ll call him) drive a Ferrari, is he the prince of Whales, or is he a 80’s rocker with a 10 inch cock. If he’s not one of those things she is out the door. Or say he waits a couple of dates and they are back at his house getting frisky on the couch, her hand slowing grasping the crouch and these words leave Brodhi’s mouth:

“Wait Lynn I have something to tell you”

If this was any girl I’ve ever dated we would have to be making out on a desert island surrounded by a ring of fire, with the entire army of Alkida on the other side of the fire to get her to stay, not Brodhi, four months later they’re doing commercials together. So not only is she dating a guy with herpes she’s willing to tell all of her friends and family about her whore banging boyfriend on national television. I want that kind of relationship pull. If I told SL that I had Herpes (I Don't, though I did have that one encounter with the little Hispanic boy in Mexico, Pedro if you read this call me, I miss you, we can get married in New Hampshire, green card baby) not only would I not be doing commercials I would be homeless.
JT OUT

Here we go

I'm getting a little sick of people not pimping this website like I do. So I've compiled a list of things that I will do, and will post pictures of if I can get 10,000 hits in one day.

1. Make out with a dog, there's one in the house who is just dieing for some affection.
2. try to drink a gallon of milk in one hour, now I know this is stupid, but the pictures that I will post is me throwing up said milk from a second floor balcony, not wearing any pants.
3. going to a tanning booth and becoming more sun burnt than any of you thought humanly possible. Also, across my ass in sunblock I'll write www.whythirtyscaresme.blogspot.com and moon a female police officer.
4. Drink a liter of whiskey and punching a stranger preferably over 60 years old, while being video taped.

Thinks of how fun this could be, everyone would get to read my babble, plus probably get me arrested. Come on folks lets put together a great big group effort.

So that's what I got, this is how I fill my work day.

JT OUT