Volleyball & Jesus

So I'm sitting at the library right now, because I can't have roadrunner at home. This is because with being out of work and that much porn at my finger tips I would:
1. Never find a job
2. Probably be able to get into the world's strongest man contest on forearms alone
So I think I'll break this post up into two parts a. how I got hafnered this weekend and b. the amazing thing I just heard in the library

A. So I was playing volleyball this weekend. I was playing well got a nice long break before the finals (nice long break = 5 bud lights & red bull and vodka). Prize for First Place $300 (I'm not working right now and money's a little tough, so this would have been sweet) and Second Place got a backpack. Guess which one I got? Yes, a sweet, sweet backpack. Not only is the backpack the sweetest thing on the face of the earth, I can put all my school books in it when I go to class, wait a second I'm not in college, I'm not 20 years old, what the fuck am I going to do with a backpack? Plus it's the same backpack I won playing volleyball last summer, fantastic!

B. I'm at the computer, minding my own business when a child walks by me followed by his mom and these words verbatim come out of her mouth:
"Honey, you know Jesus doesn't like you to walk ahead."
If your not smart enough to make your own set of jokes here please stop reading my blog.

My Posthumously Philanthropic Uncle...

Sorry, I have to apologize for leaving all 85 of you out in the wind for the last week, SL's been sick and my uncle just passed away. He is probably the only person who doesn't live in a third world country that actually died from pneumonia. He doesn't have AIDS or anything he actually died from pneumonia, he was just too lazy to go see a doctor. So I've been having fun the last couple of days being a profiteer from all his old crap.
Mom: "Do you want the first five seasons of Sopranos?"
Me: "Yes."
Mom: "Do you guys need a new computer?"
Me: "Yes." A blatant lie
Mom: "Do you need a DVD player?"
Me: "Yes." Another lie, I have two I'm just too lazy to go to my old house and pick them up
Mom: "Do you need Sex in the City DVD's?"
Me: "Yes." I didn't even know my Uncle was gay

So thats what I've been doing for the last couple of days, getting stuff I don't really need, and solidifying my first class ticket to hell. Thanks, if I have time tomorrow I'll tell you about me getting classically Hafnered this weekend.

Ahhh...vacation

My name is JT, I'm on vacation, I'm hungover, I'm sunburned, I'm unhappy, SL and I are fighting again. I thought this would be ok, her and I in a house on vacation, we should really get along. For christ's sake we live together. What is it with putting us in a different state that means we can't get along? The funny thing is I'm not even there yet and I know this will happen. I'm writing this on friday at the library before we go. IJ will post it for me next week. So here is my Miss Cleo like prediction, I'm going to spend the entire next week fighting with my girlfriend. It's going to start small, maybe something like I only drove 3 hours on the way down when she drove 3.5, then it's going to escalate to why don't you get a job, then finally after 14 Bud Lights it's going to be a a big fat, "Why don't you love me anymore?" Solid, my vacation is going to be so much f-ing fun.

why I'm not a adult

I think I'm going to do a David Letterman Top Ten list today, remember I'm on the government penny vacation next week, so this will probably be the last post for a couple of days. I'll try to make it a good one.
Top Ten Things Adults Do That I Don't:
10- Be married
9- Stay sober all week long
8- Would actually consider doing something on a Saturday night besides go to a bar
7- Pay their own bills
6- Go to the bathroom to Fart
5- Not consider X-Men 3 a life changing experience
4- Not get visibly excited every time I drive by a Taco Bell
3- Be tired
2- Know enough about grammar so they wouldn't have to email every post to IJ because they would be smart enough not to be worldwide embarrassed about putting an "I" before "E"
1- Have a job

I just found something cool, if you type"whythirtyscaresme" in yahoo or google search engine,shit comes up, everyone give it a try.

Anyone New?

Hi. If any one new is reading this I have been doing this for more than two days, you can check out all my other crap at www.whythirtyscaresme.eponym.com, really I'm quite funny, and handsome. I'm in the library right now and I think Sam Elliot is sitting across from me. I think I should go over there and punch him square in the jaw and really see if he's as manly as he was in We Were Soldiers. I bet I could take him he's old and I'm a young buck of thirty.

Hello everybody, I really didn't do too much this weekend besides play volleyball and spend about a million dollars that I can't afford right now. Next week I'll be at Martha's Vineyard all week. How does one afford to go on vacation without having a job, you might ask? The wonderful world of unemployment! I wish I could find some way to do this for the rest of my life, but I can't. The day that I get home I have to start with monster.com, then maybe take a glance at the paper. Then when all else fails, the temp agencies, I can't wait. Then I'll have to go on interviews, lie about myself and how motivated I am, how I'm never late. I think it will go something like this: Interviewer: Why do think you're qualified to be the vice president for the Ford motor company?
Me: "I don't have AIDS."
Interviewer: "I don't really know what that has to do with it.
Me: "Well you want someone that can stick around for a while don't you?"
Interviewer: "You smell like liquor and did't even shave to come in here, plus you're wearing a wife beater and tennis shoes."
Me: "When do I start? My f-ing office better have a window, by the way your fired!" Interviewer: "Get out of my office."
Me: "It's my office now bitch!"

I think I may be losing it.

A cautionary tale on bad luck...

A cautionary tale on bad luck...
by Why thirty scares me on Fri 02 Jun 2006 04:35 PM EDT
Let me tell you about the wonderful world of being "hafnered." Now if you look up the word hafnered in the dictionary, it would say:
hafner(ed) (past tense) see also hafner - n. - one who has found a way to destroy every easy situation; one who makes everything good turn bad: Things were great until that hafner showed up.
v. - to have uncommonly bad luck: Wow, you just got hafnered!
adj. - description of poor or lacking quality: That car is really hafnered.

The origins of "hafnered" started with a string of events that happened to this young man in college,
1) Getting arrested while watching his friend steal a sign
2) Getting arrested in front of his girlfriend and the rest of the people at the DMV for not paying a fine, spending the night in jail (inner city), all the while having the receipt for said fine in his wallet. Cop to Hafner: "Sorry there's nothing I can do, I'm not a judge."
3) Getting beaten up in the front seat of a car for trying to save a girl
4) Having the university he's attending change its policy of grade transfers 2 years after he's been going there, lowering his GPA from 2.8 to 2.2 making graduation borderline impossible, making 6 years of school and $23,000 of debt a complete waste of time.

So let me tell you how I got hafnered yesterday. First, since it's the "Summer of JT" money is a little tight right now, but like a gift from the heavens my old boss called me up and said that he had a check from Audi for $900. It couldn't come at a better time. I'm going on a vacation next week plus my $300 car payment is due. Fantastic luck (admittedly an un-hafner like moment). Since my Dad still works there he picked up the check for me. So, I go over to their house yesterday to divide it as follows:
$300 to my parents for the small loan I have from them (when I say small, that might be a lie, unless small is a down payment on a house)
$200 to SL to help her cover bills
$300 to car insurance
$100 to me

So I have my Mom pay my car insurance online and grab a personal check for $200 for SL and $100 for me then turn the entire $900 check over to my parents. Everyone is happy, right? Wrong. Of course I got fucking hafnered! I get a phone call last night about 7 hours after I did all this and find out that the check has been cancelled and Audi has made a mistake. So instead of paying everyone back and making everyone happy I now have to get the $200 check from my girlfriend, pay back the $100 check, plus pay my car insurance which I payed early to get out of the way. The problem that I have is that the car insurance is spent money, I don't really have the $300 to cover that right now. So basically I went from getting $900 to owing my folks another $300, that's a $1200 swing.

So if SL comes home tonight to find me st

Changing blog sites

I just changed here from www.whythirtyscaresme.eponym.com